Passenger Trains > One method to deal with rude people on commuter trains?

In a recent "Miss Manners" column, a person wrote in regarding their experience on a crowded commuter train.  Evidently the train was packed; standing room only.  The letter (email) writer said a group of eight people were saying insulting things in very loud voices, clearly mocking the writer and others nearby.  What do do?
Miss Manners suggested they speak in an equally loud voice to the other 'targets' of the insults by saying "I do love street theater, don't you?".
That is a non-confrontational way to help deal with the situation.

Meanwhile, on a somewhat related note...a few years ago, I was washing my hands in a station restroom when another guy starting making rude and profane comments.  It was clear he intended me to hear them.  Rather than say anything in response, I started the (loud) air hand dryer, which effectively drowned him out.

I always liked this one from MEKoch:

https://www.trainorders.com/discussion/read.php?4,2879672,2879672#msg-2879672

IMHO, one of the best ways to 'deal' with rude people on trains is: don't, at least not by yourself. Giving it back to them may be exactly what they want. People getting involved in the person's tyrade will just escalate things needelessly. The person will get off eventually - typically sooner if they're not provoked. You could always notify the conductor (or rail security, if on a subway) and they can deal with them, or in the worst case just get off and wait for the next train.

A lot of times these people have mental issues or are on drugs and are just venting needlessly at nobody in particular. Don't egg them on. Now of course if they started physically hurting someone that's another issue...

 

And please, please remember -- a lot of people in this country are armed, and not all opf them have full control of their emotions, and may just get angry at anyone who inerferes with them, and might start shooting!   Do NOT try to play cop -- leave that to the real cop[s.  They are trained in how to deal with people.

RutledgeRadio is 100% correct.  Leave rude people alone.  You cannot make them care about others or obey you.  Some people get off on making other people upset.  They are in-person trolls, and tthe best way to deal with trolls and rude people is to ignore them.

Big problem on the DC metro in the '80s was young men who would take up two seats by sprawling all over them and then daring anyone to challenge them.
This often happened when elderly riders and pregnant women were standing. Never saw any cops on those trains, either.

Bill Deaver
Tehachapi, CA

This is why I like the "Quiet Car" when I ride Metrolink.

Not much different than people who make loud tweets.  Same mentality.  

In NYC, several people have been knifed on the subways for suggesting that taking two seats, playing music too loudly, etc was a breach of the social graces.

The NY Post has two articles from last week on the topic.  One involves a woman who was stabbed for commenting to another woman about a third woman's parenting skills as the kid was running amok. Mom came over, and then knifed the speaker.  In another case, two guys knifed a guy for "looking at him".

In the Guiliani-Bratton era, just about any violation of the codes, from jumping a turnstile to taking two seats to playing music too loudly, etc  would result in a police pat down and warrants check. If you're carrying a weapon, you're in very bg trouble.  That was a long time ago.

 

"Have a nice day" usually works, with the emphasis on "usually".

Margaret_SP_fan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> And please, please remember -- a lot of people in
> this country are armed, and not all opf them have
> full control of their emotions, and may just get
> angry at anyone who inerferes with them, and might
> start shooting!   Do NOT try to play cop --
> leave that to the real cop[s.  They are trained
> in how to deal with people.
>
> RutledgeRadio is 100% correct.  Leave rude people
> alone.  You cannot make them care about others or
> obey you.  Some people get off on making other
> people upset.  They are in-person trolls, and
> tthe best way to deal with trolls and rude people
> is to ignore them.
Agree with all of the above.  In the situation I mentioned, the guy was not physically threatening to me; he was making rude comments just to be a jerk.  No way would I have picked a fight with him.

A different time, a guy came up to me when I was buying a ticket in a TVM on the Sacramento Light Rail line...he asked for a couple bucks...and the answer was no (YES, I had a couple bucks, and NO I was not going to give it to him). He just needed a "I don't think so" glare and he went away.  There is no simple way to deal with this, but I agree it is best not to engage or escalate the encounter.  But you don't want to appear vulnerable either.  The presence of these rude people do discourage others from trying public transit.  

Margaret_SP_fan Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> And please, please remember -- a lot of people in
> this country are armed, and not all opf them have
> full control of their emotions, and may just get
> angry at anyone who inerferes with them, and might
> start shooting!   Do NOT try to play cop --
> leave that to the real cop[s.  They are trained
> in how to deal with people.
>
> RutledgeRadio is 100% correct.  Leave rude people
> alone.  You cannot make them care about others or
> obey you.  Some people get off on making other
> people upset.  They are in-person trolls, and
> tthe best way to deal with trolls and rude people
> is to ignore them.

You've made an excellent point Margaret_SP_fan...  
We just don't know who is carrying a gun or a knife and might be unstable.
 

I was in a crowded Publix market yesterday and watched a guy go ballistic about a woman ahead in the one express lane.  The "limit" is 10, she had about 50 items.  He upbraided her, she told him to mind his own business. He started shouting, she started shouting back, and the checker pushed the little button under the desk.

The manager came over, and opened two more lanes, moving this guy to the head  the new line. 

I've lived in Florida long enough to understand the guy may have been packing (legal / illegal) heat, and was going out of control.  And, I looked for an escape route and place to dive to.

(Sure, I know the manager should have had more express lanes open.  And reminded the first person that 10 means 10, not 50.  But that wasn't my immediate concern, frankly.)

 

When I am approached by a panhandler I simply point to my ears and shake my head. That means "deaf". It usually works. With a 50% hearing loss myself I really don't feel too guilty doing it. 

Have fun, be safe,

Bruce "Doc" Jones  Sierra Madre CA