Railroaders' Nostalgia > Railroad Humor

Heard this today on a scanner feed. Not the exact conversation, but I hope you get the gist of it.
Dispatcher: Answering.
Train Crew; Want you to know we are one of those non-stop key trains.
Dispatcher; (Chuckle)
Train Crew; (Couldn't make it out)
Dispatcher; I can go for that. Bring your train to a controlled screeching stop at (M), then I'll get you moving again. Of course their are no guarantees after you leave my territory.

Heard when a certain steam locomotive came to Houston, Texas...

Engine Crew: UP 3985 ready to go at West Junction...

Dispatcher: Stand by 3985. Gonna take you round the Spence Cutoff as soon as they finish building a railroad for you to run on..

Engine Crew: ( Chuckle) UP 3985 standing by, out...

When the UP took over the SP in 1996' they realigned the milepost. Numbering so that where my husband farmed at  Coyote on the coastline at milepost. 63 it suddenly became milepost 59 or somesuch.  I was listening to the scanner one day when DS 58 toned up MOW supvr  Israel Bugarin, known lovingly as Boogie___he asked  Boogie to check the bridge at mp 77--looong pause---well, hoookay, but there ees no breedge at milepost 77!

Carol Voss
Bakersfield, CA

Here's one of the funniest things that I've ever heard on the radio, even though it was said in all innocence. Caltrain, 1995+-:

Amtrak policeman to the dispatcher:
San Jose Control, I'm going out of service. I'm going be tied-up at a mental facility for quite awhile.

God's truth!

EO

After work at Grand Central Station (B&OCT Chicago), I went over to the PC office at 16th Street to meet my PC (NYC) colleague (common traffic points Whiting and Pine Jct) after work to go for dinner. I got off work at 11p, he at 12k (midnight). At the time, Trains had an annual speed survey. The ex-NYC SV-2 was the world's fastest freight train, according to Trains.

My colleague was a long time NYC guy in a PC but really Pennsy office and was not happy at all, for a lot of reasons. He didn't like the management, a lot of the PRR guys he was working with, and the way his railroad was falling apart at a rapid rate.

Just before going home, he had to fix TV-2 (initial station orders, message, and clearance). Englewood gave him the set (conductor, engineer, on duty, engines, loads, empties, tons). He put it on the trainsheet and replied

Message for him.

C&E Extra ---- East Englewood.

You are TV-2.

The world's fastest freight train.

If any of the power is still running at Elkhart, power through.

If not, goes to the house.

TAW

the Story of Potter

first one ... i believe i might've posted this before ... one night while i was piloting the Sperry car we were at Overbrook interlocking on Amtrak's Harrisburg Line wanting to test to Paoli 30 miles west and return ...

Overbrook is a manned tower ... the 3rd trick opr was guy named Potter (last name) ... he was the goofiest sob there was ... there's no scheduled trains after 12:30am and the 2nd trick guy fleets the inbound and outbound routes, sets up the last 2 moves so Potter literally has nothing to do until the morning rush at 5:30am ...

he'd come in relief of the 2nd trick guy at 11pm and turn all on the lights shuffle some papers on the desk and stare at the model board the whole shift ...

it was raining and there's a pretty stiff grade out of Philly heading west and with the slippery rail conditions we would need a running start ... we were being held east of Overbrook and if Potter sets up the route correctly we would get our running start ... now with Potter being OCD our presence has noticeably screwed up his night and you can hear it in his nervous crackling voice he's definitely out of kilter ...

Overbrook is on a sweeping right hand curve with the Rt 1 overhead bridge over the railroad midway in the interlocking obscuring the wb home signal at the west end ... we finally get our form d orders after the last Septa local and we head out full throttle ... knowing we needed a running start i called for the 241 for the signal on the west end before we proceeded ... by this time it's a deluge outside and our wheels are spinning with no sand ... we get going get through the interlocking and stall with our wheels spinning ... i call Overbrook and tell Potter we need to reverse into the interlocking and try again ... everybody hated dealing with Potter ... did i mention his OCD ...

we reverse into the interlocking ... i call Overbrook let him know we're clear and ready for a 2nd try ... no answer from Potter ... 1/2 hr he's not answering ... now the MW supv is getting pissed ... he calls Overbrook ... now Potter answers ... this gets Potter's attn as he's nerved out with authority ... the supv could be a pain in the a$$ but he was also a funny sucka ... he knew Potter was just being a RICHARD and jerkin us around he tells Potter he needs to get ahold of a foreman Gozinya ... Potter asks what Gozinya's first name is ... the supv tells him it's Dick ... i know where this is going and i'm already bustin a gut ...

well Potter gets on the radio and starts calling ... "Amtrak Overbrook to foreman Gozinya" ... no answer ... "Amtrak Overbrook to foreman Gozinya ... foreman Dick Gozinya" ... no answer ... now Potter's OCD kicks in and he must've repeated this transmission for 20-30 minutes ... he was too serious and too stupid to get the joke and know what was going on ... people are roarin over the radio ... finally Potter calls the supv and says Mr Gozinya isn't answering are you guys ready to go ... after all this it had stopped raining and off we went west ...

second story ...

back in the 70s before CETC Mr Potter was again working 3rd trick at Brill tower ... Brill tower located at MP4 on the NEC 3 miles south of 30th St station in Philly and was where nb trains diverted to and sb trains came off the high line and connected to the tracks to/from 30th St Station ... it also was one of a few armstrong lever towers on the corridor ... our duties that night took us south of Brill as they have been for the past couple of weeks ...

now when getting our running or out of service "19" orders the oprs at Brill would give the pilots back in the day a Clearance "C" card, which was a written form for permission to pass a stop signal, to enter the interlocking bring us up to the tower and the pilot would stop at the tower and pick up his orders and continue on ...

eeeeeveryone except Potter ... no this deuschbag would make make ya walk from the sb home signal to the tower close to a 1/2 mile ... he wouldn't let ya come up in the tower instead he'd open up the window and hand the orders down on a string attached to a clamp ... we'd then have to walk back then get the "C" card and we'd be on our way ... which was a waste of close to 20 minutes of time ...

well Mike Butler "Buttsie" was the supv and this would piss him off to no end ... he'd say one day i'm gonna get that mutha fudger ... well one day Buttsie made good on his promise ... he accompanies me on the walk to the tower ... Potter hands down the orders out the window on his string and clamp ... i take the orders out of the clamp and Buttsie tells me to keep the clamp open ... he has in his hands a pack of firecrackers sticks them in the clamp, lights the fuse i pull the string and Potter pulls the clamp up ... the timing was perfect ... as soon as the clamp was through the window it sounded like a Chinese new year ... as we walked away all we saw was Potter scampering around in the tower yelling whatever he was screaming ...

i don't know how me and Buttsie made it back to the equipment we were laughing so hard ... the dispatchers hated working with him ... he tells the dispatcher what happened and he busts a gut as did the oprs on either end of Brill at Arsenal and Lamokin ... i get back to the equipment and call for the "C" card ... Potter's beside himself and doesn't answer me for at least 10 minutes ... he thinks i'm the one who did it not knowing Buttsie was with me ...

he finally gives me the Clearance card only because the disp wants the track we're on and wants us in the out of service ... as we go by the tower Potter's staring out the window with this scowl on his face ... i'm still laughing my a$$ off as are the equipment oprs as they rolled by the tower who were told what happened ... now you'd think he wudda figured out why it was done but no ... the dunce still handed orders out the window but he'd check the clamp before he'd pull it up ...

Posted from Android

Overheard on the scanner at Roseville years ago:

Railroader 1: "Can you hear me on this radio?"
Railroader 2: "Loud and clear...you sound like my conscience"

   Back in the SP days, there was a young lady who came out of a clerk's job somewhere and became a dispatcher.  I had met her personally when she made a familiarization trip with me between Bakersfield and Los Angeles.  She seems so quiet and shy, I wondered if she was ready to go from a quiet clerical job to the rough and tumble of the operating department.
   Anyway, two stories about her:  One night, she was working the Tehachapi district when she couldn't get the east switch at Rowen to go over so a Santa Fe could get out of the siding.  She told the head brakie on the Santa Fe to take the power on the switch, throw it back and forth a time or two and give her the power back.  Santa Fe dude couldn't get the switch lock undone account it was full of rust and dirt.
   They talked back and forth, and finally she says in that sweet soft voice of hers, "Can you beat it off?"
   After a brief silence, the Santa Fe guy says, "Lady, please be advised I'm on duty!"

   She was working an Oregon Division job when some wiseacre in the office said, "Hey, please call Amtrak 14 and get his caboose number."
   "CTC Eugene to Amtrak 14, what is your caboose number?"
   14 wouldn't answer.  She called several times until someone came on the radio and said, "Hey DS, Amtrak 14 is a passenger train!  Passenger trains don't have cabooses!"
   Long silence.
   Once she got over a bad case of the rookies, she became a pretty good dispatcher, and could shovel the BS back with the best of them.

Brian Black
Retired SP/UP Conductor
    

Posted this several years ago:

Heard on the SP radio around Los Angeles circa 1975: "Eeny, meeny, miney, mo; how do read this ra-di-o?" Answer: "Fie, fi, fo, fum; loud and clear with a little hum". A little humor made the day better. Charlie

From my own experience working as a brakeman:
Was on a 6 mile shove with passenger equipment at restricted speed.  We are on a mountain railroad with many curves and very little straight track, on which we usually call 3 and 4 cars at a time on restricted speed.  After reaching the longest relatively straight stretch on the territory, I called from the rear vestibule:  "Brakeman to SD&A 7285, let's have another Seven-Zero, Seventy cars to the West, Over."  The response from an engineer with whom I work frequently, "Forever! Seventy to the west. Out."
-James

On one of our trips back from Kansas City we got behind a stalled freight at Burns, WY. In an effort to get around him we asked to be able to back up to the crossover behind us. Dispatcher replied there was too much hot eastbound traffic on two track to allow that. After the dispatcher told the crew on the stalled freight that it would be a while before he could get them another unit, we asked of we could shove them to Archer.

844 Crew;" Dispatcher, how about it if we tie on and help the freight to Archer?"

Dispatcher; "You can't do that you are a steam locomotive and you don't have a coupler on the front of your engine!" "I saw you on display at Council Bluffs and you don't have a front coupler."

844 crew; "We do have a coupler in front."

No reply

844 Crew" Hey Boss can you call the corridor manager and get us rolling here?"

Boss; "Sure"

Dispatcher; "844 go a head and work with the train crew and tie on to help him to Archer"

844 Crew" Thanks you dispatcher"

I stepped out and opened the front coupler. We tied on and got the air set up for helper.
And so a Steam locomotive shoved a stalled freight 25 miles to the top of the hill and saved the day.

Bob Krieger
Cheyenne, WY

I was coming down the St. Charles Air Line in Chicago one morning.  As was usually the case, the BNSF road channel was full of chatter from the Metra yard.  Following the morning inbound commuter rush, locomotives were being moved around.

A yard crew called the tower asking where he wanted an engine spotted.  Someone else responded with the name of a local scrap yard.

Mary McPherson
Dongola, IL
Diverging Clear Productions

As I suppose happens everywhere, at Barstow the crescendo on the radio would build up with wisecracks and cute comments would increase to the point the trainmaster in the tower would have to do something to clean up the radio channels.  My favorite was to call the radio shop on the road frequency:

Santa Fe High Tower calling the radio shop, over....

Radio Shop, over....

Radio Shop please verify the tape recorder and the radio direction finder are operating tonite...over...

Roger High Tower.. Both are operational, over....

The radio channels would fall strangely silent and only be used strictly in accordance with the rules  for quite a while.
No one ever figured out that we didn't have a direction finder!

TIOGA PASS

Norman Orfall
Helendale, CA
TIOGA PASS, a private railcar



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/28/15 17:53 by aronco.